I've decided that I need to get some things out of my system and I'm hoping that by writing them down I will be closer to purging these experiences from constant recall. I don't believe that I should let go of them completely as it is important to remember our experiences and learn from them. However, they should also not haunt us night and day, making the process of moving ahead in life a difficult or impossible task.

That being said, this will be my first posting towards the end of creating a smoother road to travel by working out kinks, hangups, fears, and various other concerns.

This past year my health has become a great concern having had several experiences of illness or injury. It began around May 14, 2008. On 5/16/08, my husband, JG, and I went to our daughter's college to watch her pre-graduation ceremony to receive a certificate in her field of emphasis. That was a Friday afternoon. I had not been feeling great for a couple of days and thought I was maybe catching bronchitis, something I seem to be prone to. On Friday I felt tired, hot, and uncomfortable all over. But I was not about to miss any part of her graduation.

The next day, Saturday, 5/17/08, was the university wide graduation ceremony. It was held in the huge basketball arena. It was a warm day but probably not hot, although I felt like I was burning up, light headed, and basically going to explode if I didn't get out of there. It felt like it took forever to get through all the graduates, there were hundreds! Of course, our daughter and her best friend did not walk until the very end!!

Afterwards, we had hugs and kisses and tried to take the new graduates out for a celebratory dinner. They had other plans - something like a bar crawl or some silly thing. But they were in a good mood and we wanted them to have a good time. Besides, what I really wanted was a bed!

On Sunday, I spent most of my time in bed. I don't remember it very well other than taking my temperature at one time and seeing 103 degrees on the thermometer. I remember thinking, geeze, maybe we should do something about that! On Monday, I felt even worse and asked JG to take me to the Dr. He did. I remember sitting in the waiting room, walking into the examining room, telling the Dr. I wouldn't go to the hospital, and that's all. I don't remember the rest of the week!!!

In fact, I don't really remember much from the following 3 weeks. JG told me as much as he could. Apparently, I had a strain of pneumonia that is resistant to antibiotics. My temperature reached 105 degrees and I was very dehydrated. I was told that under such conditions, a patient is often uncooperative, so, as they needed to intubate me, they sedated me. I remained sedated until about June 3rd (I think).

When I was removed from the sedation and woke up, I was very confused. I didn't understand where I was or why. I had had many weird, even freaky dreams and nightmares under sedation, several of which felt so real and made no sense. Then I learned that while I had been "away" they had performed surgery on me! Oh, joy.

There was a shocking sense of no longer having any control over my life. A feeling of having been a prisoner. I somehow got it in my head that they had me on a hospital ship out in the ocean. I was convinced that I was very far from home and I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to do that to me. It was very lonely and scary even though JG was there with me. When I first woke up, he didn't look quite like himself and I felt that maybe this is how he really looks. And if he had never before shown me his true appearance in our 26+ years together maybe he wasn't the loving husband I had always thought he was. And if not, who was he and why had he brought me here. Sooooo confusing and my poor little brain was having lots of trouble digesting it all.

Over the next couple of days I started to understand things more. My daughter and my sister came to see me. That was amazing! Somewhere inside me I began to understand that it had been a very distinct possibility that I might not have ever seen them again! And then I started hearing that from the hospital staff. Apparently, there had been quite a concern that this 51 year old woman who was otherwise fairly healthy might very seriously not make it. Oh good, that was fun to know.

I improved over the next few days and was allowed to go home on June 6. That was a weird experience, too! But at least I was home and safe.

....to be continued.

Thanks for the read,
Jeannie C.

Well, day two. And it was a beautiful day today. According to my trusty Weather Bug it is still 74 degrees at 5:43 pm. Not bad for April 22. Mostly I stayed inside, though. I did boring stuff - balanced the check book, did paperwork for the insurance company, and worked on my blog setup. I didn't mind too much as I woke up yesterday morning with an incredibly sore shoulder and today my sister recommended trying the old hot and cold compresses idea. So I was getting up every 20 - 30 minutes running to the freezer or microwave to zap my bean bag. That would have been tough from outside. (and not very attractive running around with a big lump on my shoulder!)

I did, however, get out of the house late this afternoon to pick up some groceries and run to the bank (more boring stuff). It was so wonderful and warm. I love getting in the car when it is like that, opening the moon roof, and cranking up the music. Let's see, today it was a little country. I know, I'm dorky but it was fun!

I am concerned about this shoulder however. I'm just coming off 3 or 4 weeks of dealing with sciatica in my left leg. I've had it before but never this bad. I finally said forget it to the Dr.s and went to an acupuncturist. That's when it started to improve. Cool stuff. But it takes time to work. The day I have a session it seems to be real uncomfortable the rest of that day. Then it will continue to hurt for another couple of days, but by the fourth day - wow, it's like magic! All of a sudden I see a dramatic improvement. Amazing but I should have started with him when the sciatica first hit.

I went yesterday for my fourth session and there is very little leg pain left, I expect it to be pretty much gone in another couple of days. During that session he also treated the shoulder. I have not seen any improvement yet, which I didn't really expect anyway (just hoped for!) but I'm looking forward to a couple days from now to get some relief. Hope, hope, hope!!! It's remarkably uncomfortable.

I'm pretty sick of this, though. I was really sick at the end of May and beginning of June last year and it just seems like I can't completely get back on my feet.

Mid-year resolution: get well, get strong, stay well, stay strong!!!

Thanks for the read, Jeannie C.

ME!! Starting to BLOG!!

Well, who'd a thunk it! Me, a blogger! But here it is. No denying it. Of course, it's not too late. I can always edit it down to nothing, close it down, shut it off. But where's the fun in that.

I'm not exactly sure what I hope to accomplish by blogging. One thing is to open it up and get to know some other people. Also, maybe by letting a few people in on what I've experienced over the last few years I can somehow spare someone else some difficulties and pain.

Not that my life has been so unbearable, but life can have some unbearable qualities at times. And maybe it hasn't been what most would catagorize as traumatic, but a bit of trauma does exist. You see, there have been incidents! And I will share them as we go along.

For now, Hello! I'm happy to be here, happy to have figured out how to set this all up (my son, the IT guy, will be so proud of his old Mom!), and thrilled if anyone cares to take the time to read it.

Thanks for the read, Jeannie C.